When faced with life’s day to day challenges, it is for people to find the right answers, but it truly is difficult for them to ask the right questions. I’ve often found that the common human being today will do his best to evade the internal challenges he faces inside of himself and will go guru hunting, information fishing, or opinion sniffing. It is seldom for that kind of person to look inside and realize that the difficulties and challenges he faces in life are directly linked to or caused by a set of intricate and reoccurring identity conflicts; in other words, a never ending war.
By definition, the word “war” means “an active struggle between competing entities” (Wordweb Dictionary). Despite it having many other definitions, I’m focusing on this one particularly because it relates to what I’d like to put on the table here for you to consider.
When people come to me with their life and love challenges I make sure I listen very carefully to what is being said and what’s not being said, but mostly to the former way of listening because that’s where I can see what’s behind the curtains. In time the person reveals what’s behind the scenes to what we both discover as a deep and active struggle between different aspects of themselves. Interesting, right?
To me, that’s the biggest and most crucial moment for any human being to experience. That level self-awareness is essential for people to make instant transformation and life-long changes.
Answers vs. Questions
But most people today do not practice that kind of that level of introspection. They are accustomed to asking for answers only. The problem with that approach is in its overuse. The more answers you seek and rely on for changing your life the less authentic you become. It’s very much like having a container filled at the bottom with your own answers while piling on top of them other people’s facts, opinions, and understandings about how you should live your life. Sometimes a bit of that upper part may mix with the bottom, but most of the content just sits there.
Now if you’re an avid believer in the message of “take action or you’re not committed”, then I have news for you. That message is not necessarily true. It applies to some people, but not everyone. And you don’t have to be like everybody else!
The benefit of asking the right questions helps you dig deeper into your inner uncertainties. This is the only kind of uncertainties you will ever be able to truly control.
And when you go inside you will discover the war inside of you. It can get uneasy, uncomfortable, and unclear to the point it may scare you. After all, the majority of the population around the world will choose external understanding versus internal dialogue because they think the former is easier. But all that creates is an insatious appetite for more answers.
What does going inside feel like?
The moment you decide to look inside of yourself you will stand in the face of the conflict you’ve been experiencing for so long. And it may be more than one conflict. Many battles, maybe. But whatever the case is, it will feel overwhelming and intense like any war would be. And that, my friend, is a true act of courage.
Standing in front of it all will give you the power to witness, observe, and understand the purpose of your chaos or confusion. Whatever you couldn’t understand or comprehend before will slowly emerge to you as an answer. Yes! An answer! It may be in the form of a clue, tip, or hint that will get you closer to what you’ve been hungrily searching for in this life.
The purpose of this courageous act isn’t about ending the war immediately. You cannot walk in and wipe this whole thing out. You are in there to lead those different aspects of yourself into unison and harmony, because once you do so you feel the true power of your existence. You will finally experience what it is like to be YOU!
The more you take the time to reason with those parts of you the more you will be able to end the smaller battles. And this is a life-long process that every single human being is living to be a part of. Once you end one war, in time another will start. It is the wisdom of true living. Because if we lived this life with endless peace and harmony, then there would be no point of going through life.
As human beings we are designed to fight for something meaningful, and what is more honorable in fighting for yourself?
Harmony is overrated. Go for co-existence instead.
Co-existence is where all voices of your world are heard. They are important and needed for you to be who you are and evolve that version of yourself day by day into a newer “who you are”. Harmony is great, sweet, and has a distinct taste, but it won’t get you far. And frankly, after some time you will find to be utterly boring.
No. Train your internal culture to value co-existence where the different and conflicting parts can, in a healthy way, live together. This is what true acceptance is. Most of us think that acceptance means agreement. Nope. It simply means that we acknowledge and respect an existence of certain things instead of trying to fix them.
The most successful people in the world describe this feeling as “knowing myself”. And knowing yourself helps you accept who you are right now so that you can take the necessary steps to living an exceptionally higher quality of life on your own terms. Not the world’s.
Teach the child to color, and he’ll color the world.
When I was still in high school I would visit the kindergarten classrooms during recess time just to take a peak at the simplicity of their courses. Having been studying for my O-Levels at the time I must say I missed being in kindergarten.
Being the observant person I always have been, I realized that at a very young age a child will not be able to distinguish between the various colors of the rainbow until told and trained so! In other words, children at that age do not know what the heck “red” means or looks like. But when their teachers pointed at that color on the rainbow and showed them across the room where else it was present they were able to understand and learn that that color is called “red”. And with that learning, they pick up their crayons and go “red red red red red red red red” all over the paper!
How does this story relate to you and this blog post?
Simple. If we get to train your internal world what ending the war and living in co-existence looks like – and essentially knowing yourself – your chances of spreading that into the world through living by example will dramatically increase. This is the true art of influence right here. Besides, you cannot give from what you don’t have.
But what does love have to do with it?
It has everything to do with it. As much as many people today avoid the “L” word, I learned that they do so because they’ve had a negative external experience around it in their lifetime. And so, they say “I don’t believe in it”. And when people do not believe in the very nature of what makes humanity function as a whole, then you get toxic relationships in this world. The question is, do we need more of those?
Call it what you want, but make sure you spread it.
The only way you will be able to spread that level of acceptance and knowing of self to the world is by starting with yourself. Not by trying to change the external world. We don’t need more teachers in this world. We need more influencers. The world is desperately hungry right now for connection, unison, co-existence, and oneness.
For that to happen we will need people like you whom I label as Influencers of Love.
Live it. Breathe it. Own it.
Does this apply to my relationships and life?
You bet! I want to make sure you stop becoming a “lover” and more of an Influencer of Love. When you choose that stance in your love life you begin you realize how much influence you truly have on your relationships.
There is absolutely nothing more powerful in this life than someone who truly loves him or herself. Click & Tweet! The challenge you and I are facing today with the world is that there isn’t enough love. There is a really good market for hatred, unhealthy disagreement/conflict, and uncertainty. But love? Not as much.
Question: What is the first battle you must end with yourself in order to live life on your own terms now? Leave a comment below and share this post, to get a COMPLIMENTARY evaluation with me over coffee.
Join 500+ Influencers of Love!
We thrive on motivation, inspiration, activities, and education as Influencers of Love. And that's exactly what I want to send you so that you achieve your life and love goals.