Can love be found? If yes, how?
I am often asked by expats, locals, and singles in Dubai and around the globe “how can I find love?” or “how do I find the right husband/wife?” or “why do I keep finding the wrong boyfriend/girlfriend?” It is not surprising to discover that people today are having a hard time ‘finding’ the right partner. But what if there was a different way to look at it?
In episode 15 of The Relationships Architect show I interview Shannon Graham. This is a man who at some point used to be homeless, unclear about what he wanted in life, but turned highly successful and profitable entrepreneur who is now happily engaged and in love with his fiance, Lindsey.
So what’s the story?
I found Shannon in a featured article in Forbes magazine where he was interviewed as a coach who made $ 750,000 in annual revenue. This is a one-man show, mind you, of a person who started with absolutely nothing! Incredible, right? But then I found out he was interviewed on many shows to showcase his brilliance behind the success of his business. I couldn’t help but wonder “what is his love life like?”
After connecting with him on Facebook I saw that he was – and still is – engaged to a lovely lady. So I reached out to him for an interview on my show and found that I had opened a treasure box filled with wisdom and valuable insights around what it means to be a man, entrepreneur, lover, and how to navigate through a relationship intelligently.
Most people today think they have to go for counseling in Dubai or in other parts of the world to be able to find themselves and understand how the heck they will ever find someone special in their lives. After all, dating can be difficult to experience nowadays because of the impatience many people have towards their date!
Shannon shared some interesting insights that I believe will benefit you. It wasn’t complicated for him to attract Lindsey into his life. All he had to do was one thing. But first, here are his insights:
He asked himself “how do I communicate with myself?”
The biggest issue that many counselors, books, therapists, and relationship experts are trying to solve today is communication. But isn’t it interesting that people are told they should fix communication between them and their partners, but rarely with self? Shannon started there. He made sure that the way he communicated with himself was empowering, clear, and appreciative of who he is as a man and human being.
Get clear on who you will become, first, in a relationship
If I had a penny for the number of people who walked around with lists trying to convince the world that this is exactly the kind of person they want to spend their lives with I would have become a billionaire by now. They ask for too much on that list and forget that be curious about who they will become in a relationship. That is, what kind of person are they going to be in that partnership regardless of who their significant other is? With this focus, people learn to be themselves instead of trying to get someone to be themselves for them.
Raise your standards
Raise your standards, not expectations, so that you meet or keep someone who deserves to treat you in a certain way. You cannot live with unrealistic expectations, if any at all, but instead you can develop a set of principles – standards – that are important to you which eventually build your character into becoming an even better, stronger, and more loving version of yourself. Don’t settle for less. But also don’t live with an unrealistic set of standards. In other words, be real, authentic, and raw.
The genius thing Shannon did was that he worked on himself
If there is anything I have learned from my 9 years of experience and interviewing experts and couples in this field of relationships it’s that love starts with attraction, not a search. And in order for people to become magnetic, attractive, and desirable, they must work on strengthening that magnet; themselves. But going about in this life trying to find love is just exhasuting and barely yields any good results for people nowadays.
I really encourage you to look inwards and discover the brilliance inside of you so that the world gets to see it. As Shannon Graham put it, there is a difference between having the gift and being the gift. I invite you to be the gift. And in order to do so, stop the search and start working on becoming attractive. In order to do that, start with discovering what your values are, define your direction in life, connect with like-minded individuals and groups, get a relationships coach, attend seminars, read books, listen to podcasts and educational material… There is so much you can do to become that magnetic and desirable version of yourself!
My belief is that people deserve love, and so do you.
I’ll catch you next week, my friends.