In the many cosmopolitan cities like Dubai around the world I’ve found that strong and independent women are facing a major challenge in their lives: They want to pursue their passions and/or career, but find it hard to focus on their love life, let alone finding a partner.
So why is it that many independent women in cities like Dubai choose their career over having or improving their love lives?
1. Dating is associated with displeasure and/or heartbreak
I’ve found that the dating experience in cosmopolitan cities can be daunting, if not overwhelming. The fast-paced life of those cities has affected the mindset of many men and women who go out to meet a potential partner to the point that the majority have a very short-sighted approach to finding love. The “let’s see” behavior is very prevalent in dating communities albeit the deeper and somewhat hidden desire for being a passionate relationship.
And so, those very women who take time out of their evening schedule to go out and meet men have been met with unsatisfactory results. The men, from what I’ve heard in my coaching with them, are either there for the sex only, unclear about their lives and direction, or turn out to be married with/without children, to name a few.
It is easier for her to simply shut the door on dating and declare it as an unimportant area in her life simply because it isn’t an enjoyable experience. The issue here has a lot to do with the kind of men they choose, rather than how the dating scene is. But on the surface, it does look like dating simply sucks.
2. Her career is a great replacement for a man
Now what does this mean? We have been conditioned in society to associate men with security in a relationship, and women with support and connection. This very notion still resides somewhere in the minds of many of us despite how different our world operates today. Instead of working on the deep conditioning in their subconscious – which takes a whole lot of skill – they choose to replace the means to that end; that is, her career is her primary source of security in her world. If anything, her performance at work/business validates it.
Because she is simply an exceptionally strong woman.
The trap here is that due to this very construct of her mindset of success she will realize at a future stage in her life that her career can provide security, yes, but doesn’t enable her to experience love and affection the way she always intended or wanted.
Are there exceptions to the rule? You bet. But do the majority suffer from this issue? Yes.
3. She becomes a lone she-wolf and will protect her individuality at all cost
When you are so focused on meeting your needs through a career, you condition yourself to fight for what’s most important to you to keep this lifestyle going. With time, seclusion becomes the norm. You may think that you’ve become picky with your social circle, but in reality, you are simply choosing to put your whole focus on your individuality.
A lot of single independent women assume that being in a relationship could mean they must give up their individuality. It’s why they often say things like “he couldn’t accept me for who I am” or “he tried to control me and I didn’t like that”. What they are really saying is “my strength of character and individuality that were pivotal to my success in life were threatened”. This woman does not like to feel they are out of control.
But where could she feel she is in control? In her career. She can shapeshift her character to suit the collective need of herself and company, and when that happens she notices that she is more prone to be…. You guess it! Accepted.
4. She receives unsound advice
Wait. How is this related to career vs. love life? Our ‘blueprint’ for any kind of success in life is highly affected by the way we see the world, and the way that world communicates with us. So, imagine how your blueprint gets shaped when your social circle contributes to the way you see an area of life.
If there’s anything I learned about relationships (love, work, biz, life… etc.) it’s that people don’t always give the best advice. They think they do, but they’re actually projecting their experiences onto the person asking for that advice, or they’re simply sharing something they read off a unreliable digital/printed source.
Independent women choose their friendships very carefully, and that’s why their circles are usually very tight and small. Trust, to them, isn’t something they give away easily. And when that trust is given, it usually is because those friends meet their needs for individuality and connection. Simply put, those friends keep them in their comfort zone. How do they do that? They don’t give the soundest advice on love life. Because if they did, the chances for that woman finding a partner may be better. But the reality shows us that the opposite happens.
5. They’re looking for Mr. Perfect
Independent women hate being hurt. ‘Getting hurt’ is their kryptonite. And because they don’t want to get hurt, they create and consistently utilize a defense mechanism of having unrealistic standards or expectations from that potential partner the look for. They try to look for their equal, if not an even more successful version of themselves in a man. She gives off the “you want me? You have to impress me” vibe.
And you cannot attract a man whose masculinity matches or is better than yours with masculinity. You will clash.
The ‘Find Mr. Perfect’ mission will never be accomplished because she doesn’t have faith in her ability to keep a relationship going. ‘Life should be painless’ she thinks to herself. She doesn’t trust in her ability to deal with emotional pain. Emotional pain negatively affects her high achieving role in the world.
What she doesn’t realize that it’s not her role to be a man; she is living too much in her masculine energy because she thinks that her feminine energy is weakness. After all, her workplace affirms that. So, her comfort zone will always be in her career. Everyone of us – men and women – has masculine and feminine energy within us. The key here is to know when and how to use them. If her masculine energy helps her succeed at work, great! Keep it that way. But if it is helping you not succeed in love, find a different approach. Click & Tweet!
The solution is this: On Tuesday the 18th of July 2017, I’ll upload another post that talks about WHAT TO DO about those 5 reasons so that you can get closer to having a passionate love life without sacrificing your individuality or strength as a woman.
Did this post ring a bell? Did it hit home with you? I can help! Get in touch with me for a complimentary evaluation of where you currently stand and we will help you get SUPER CLEAR on what you can do to get even closer to your results. Enter your email below or click here.
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