Have you ever met someone who is so desperately in need for attention and love? The kind of person who keeps jumping from one failed relationship or dating experience to another? He/she can also be the very same one in a relationship with you! He/She won’t stop texting, calling, checking on you, wanting to know where you are, needs affirmation that he/she is loved and understood at all times. And for some weird reason, it’s never enough for them to know, feel, hear, or see that they are loved! In this audio blog, I explain how it actually could be a good thing!
Archive for month: August, 2016
“A WOMAN’S HIGHEST CALLING IS TO LEAD A MAN TO HIS SOUL, SO AS TO UNITE HIM WITH THE SOURCE; HER LOWEST CALLING IS TO SEDUCE AND LEAVE HIM AIMLESSLY WANDERING. A MAN’S HIGHEST CALLING IS TO PROTECT A WOMAN, SO SHE IS FREE TO WALK THE EARTH UNHARMED. MAN’S LOWEST CALLING IS TO AMBUSH AND FORCE WAY INTO THE LIFE OF A WOMAN.”
Native American Cherokee Proverb
Man, what happened to the dating scene in the UAE? What is up with the boring dinner dates, flakey people, and uncommitted males/females? Better yet, can someone explain the disappearing phantom men/women who never return the calls anymore? LOL! Well, I’ve got something for you!
In this video I describe an in-depth discovery as to why you may be attracting people in Dubai who have “not committed” written all over their foreheads (and hearts). It’s time to put an end to this misery and begin to know how to attract the right person for you.
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As a very common symptom of failing marriages today I must admit I am not surprised that such an experience keeps reoccurring. Fear not, Mr. Husband, there is help on the way! And it is not as complicated as you’d think it would be. After all, you are a man with the mentality of efficiency, right? Read on.
Since we were not trained to properly connect in a relationship – especially in a long term one – our behaviours became skewed towards avoiding conflict. But, if I had a penny for every single man who woke up one day in his marriage next to his sleeping woman and asked himself “when did things get so complicated?”, I would be renting out a private jet by now. Yes, renting. Because this problem isn’t as expensive as others that could get me rich enough to buy my own jet.
That’s not the point. Anyway.
Here is what you and I know: Most couples today do have a hard time bringing consistent fun and variety into their relationship. After the honeymoon phase the relationship takes a nose dive in terms of passion. Sex doesn’t become exciting as it used to be. Conversations become predictable. Fights never really change. Weeks become boring. And so on. But what I’ve found is that there are very simply ways to overcome difficulties in the relationship such as a “nagging and complaining” wife (or girlfriend, for that matter).
Before I jump into the solution I want to give you a value insight as to what motivates men and women in their own way to frame the experience for you properly.
Men are commonly motivated by challenges, diversity, and variety that could enable their drive to succeed. Women are commonly motivated by depth and security that support their nurturing capacity to produce wisdom. What I’ve found in my work with couples and singles was that both genders are equally capable of showing fear trusting their spouse (or anyone they don’t fully trust yet) in their relationships around 2 certain things. For men it’s vulnerability. For women it’s security.
Does this make sense?
Now, let’s get to it! This audio blog is about methods that Willard Harley, a world renowned Marriage Counsellor and author of the book “His Needs, Her Needs”, used to help failing couples recover and build a sustainable “love platform” from what I gather would be a foundation for a healthy love life.
It’s 2016 and the world has turned the tables on us men. Yes. The tables have turned. For the first time in history our very gender – and I type “our” because I’m obviously one – is facing its biggest difficulty yet. What we thought as efficient, clear, and accepted as a social understanding and norm about us is now being completely challenged and changed. The rough, not-so-talkative, emotionless man is probably an extinct version of the gender today. The “macho” man that was highly regarded back in the day is now seen as a reject in societies today. But beyond the stereotypes, there is a much bigger challenge that every single member of this gender is quietly facing.
In my journey from boy to man I began to explore the simplest of ideologies such as success, failure, goals, tools of unlocking potential, dating, mating, marriage, making money, and going to the gym. Long gone were the day when I at the time looked at myself in the mirror and saw a person who could not be acknowledged in today’s communities globally as a man. It was a painful image I had to live with every single day knowing that whatever progress I have made in those life areas was not enough.
There were moments on that journey when I had clarity on why I needed to go the gym. After all, I was losing weight to look better around my family, friends, colleagues, and even for the girl next door that I had longed to take her on a romantic dinner for just one night. But I knew that no matter what I had accomplished in my life I was not “there” yet. It was because of that mindset that I couldn’t stand the sight of my own reflection in the mirror every morning upon waking up. I saw an incomplete project, a social reject, and an unworthy person who was at the peak of his hormonal excitement.
On days when I had looked failure or fear in the eye I picked up the phone and complained to a friend or a colleague. Sometimes I even cried or tried punching the steering wheel in my car hoping that I could “get rid” of my distress. The pain grew day by day and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
“WHO WOULD EVER ACCEPT A MAN LIKE ME?” I ASKED MYSELF INTERNALLY.
I kept repeating that question over and over in my head until it hit me that I had no clue what the heck being a man meant!
It didn’t matter at that point whether I had goals or not because whatever I was taught at home and in school about what the definition of a man was turned out to be completely bogus! I was told that a real man treats women like princesses, goes to college, gets a job as a doctor/engineer/lawyer, was always in control in a relationship with his wife, and kept his emotions to himself.
I began looking around me and recognized that the definition I was socially fed had not registered properly with my core. In other words, I didn’t know who I was as a member of my gender! I exclaim in my writing because that is exactly what I felt at the time. Nothing from what I was told made sense. Why on Earth would a man keep his emotions to himself when I was taught in school that the very men who started wars had rage and anger in them? Aren’t those emotions? What about the whole notion of being always in control in a relationship? Women today have rights, jobs, and probably even higher education than I did at the time of that realization, and much more today!
Because of such a discovery I returned to the experts, books, coaches, and people of knowledge who had covered this very issue. I munched left and right on every ounce of knowledge, training, and experience from both males and females in this field knowing that I would soon arrive to a transformation that would benefit my growth and maturity. After all, the person panicking at that time was the boy in me. For the most part, however, I noted that I wasn’t alone in that kind of confusion and pain.
Several months later and tears of hurt wept away I learned that the number ONE issue men are facing in our every so evolving world right now is this:
“Being a man” wasn’t something that was enabled in us on an authentic level. It was something that told to us as a socially accepted notion.”
One of the biggest pieces of transformation for any man today is to discover that his dreams are not his dreams. His goals are not his goals. His thoughts are not his thoughts. His emotions are not his emotions. But most importantly, his identity is not his identity. And to any man who values his vulnerability will understand that such a realization can be incredibly daunting and scary. It is exactly why I’ve noted from my work with many men and women over the past 7+ years how much they remained boys for a very long time.
If a man in our world today cannot, does not, and will not take ownership of his identity, then he will first crumble in his mind, then close off his heart, and finally retract his soul from his gifts that God bestowed upon him, and hence, become a robotic, pale, and undefined entity on his path in this life. When I look around and scan various societies today I can easily tell that the majority of boys today haven’t grown up yet and probably never will. It is too difficult for them to face that image of themselves in the mirror every single day while telling themselves they are not enough.
Don’t you see them as well in the streets, offices, homes, with their families/friends, and even in the mirror?
A real man today will take the necessary – courageous – steps to acknowledging such a defect or void in their character in order to start making amends and reclaiming what was once taken away from them by society thanks to the low quality programming from it.
- Have a misunderstood sense of self with themselves
- Think that what they know now about themselves and their direction is all they need to know
- Will acknowledge they are fine and do not face their issues.
- Solve their problems with boy toys and other boy activities (excessively drinking, partying, driving recklessly… etc.)
- Treat serious and deep issues with laughter that shoves them down or parks them aside
- Are not authentic and still let the world rule them
- Put women on the pedestal
- Step ONE will always be: Acknowledge the defect/void
- Step TWO must look like this: Seek help (books, coaching, training… etc.)
- Step THREE: Start making the changes that matter to you, not society.
- Step FOUR: Evaluate yourself.
- Step FIVE: Get yourself a tribe that empowers you.
I’ll end this post with a quote a wise mentor of mine once told me at the beginning of his speech and a podcast episode dedicated to this topic:
“The boy must die.” ~ Eben Pagan (aka David DeAngelo)